I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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