What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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