I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
