I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
