Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
