Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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