isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize