Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she smelled like a LAN party
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
