my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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