that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
