The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
