I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
