im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
