You made me cry and you don't even care
stop calling my apartment porn island.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
