What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
