I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
