If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
