Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
