she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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