Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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