This is not my ceiling
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
