Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
