Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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