She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
