You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
