We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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