I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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