does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
