My nipple is on Facebook.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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