A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
