Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
