why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
