you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
jump out the window naked night went bad
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