dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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