My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
