My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
