i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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