I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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