Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
