I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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