she was so not down for the gang bang
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
