I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
