Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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