before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
