Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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