White coat. Heels.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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