Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
