Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
