Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I pour the whiskey from now on
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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