i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
