i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
