It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
