In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
