you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The best revenge is premature balding
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
