drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
