so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
