Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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