omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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