My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
