I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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