evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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