why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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