If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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