WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize