worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
