im about as happy as oj after his trial
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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