Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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